Manifesto Mania: We are all Wonder Women!

 

Stop #11: Manifesto Mania

We Are All Wonder Women!

Who is Kathleen Murray? When asked to create a manifesto describing myself using a series of words or phrases that ring true to who I am and all that I stand for, I instantly began to panic. I am so many things… a sister, a daughter, a grandchild, a friend, an athlete, a musician, a student, a teacher, a scientist, a woman… and the list goes on and on. How was I ever going to pick just one thing to write about and make a coherent and inspiring poster that speaks to all of the many complex aspects of my ever-changing identity? Well, I am not going to lie, this proved to be far more challenging than I originally anticipated, and a great deal of personal reflection was required to produce the final product that I have laid before you today. As there are so many parts to who I am, I found myself constantly questioning how I could follow the rubric and select just one area of focus for this poster.  Feeling slightly overwhelmed, I decided to take a step back and look at this project through a different lens. And that’s when it hit me... society has already made this decision for me, as it has been doing for almost my entire life. Despite constantly trying to remind myself that I am a complex mosaic made of many challenging and equally valuable pieces, I have spent most of my life defined by just a single word...woman. 

This term has been used to qualify, validate, and evaluate every single aspect of my life for as long as I can remember. As I am speaking to a room full of future elementary school teachers, I would go ahead and wager that many of you have felt the same way. In athletics, I was told that I ran well for a girl, in school I was reminded that “boys will be boys” and that’s it’s important to have a nice girl like myself in class to balance out their crazy, on the tennis court I was a member of the women’s tennis team, while my male counterparts played on the main tennis team. When I got to college, I was told that I was pretty smart for a girl and my peers suggested that I should maybe stick to studying education as that might be “a little bit more my speed” than biology or chemistry.  As my female nature was constantly highlighted by some, it was always being questioned by others. Growing up, I was very self-conscious of my body structure. Time and time again children would make comments about how big my hands were or how large my feet were and would make comments about my broad shoulders being too masculine. I was constantly asked to hold up my hands and compare them to other guys in my classes as people would say “Oh my god, Kathleen you have man hands” or “Oh my gosh, Kathleen what size shoes do you wear?” Although I would laugh these comments off in the moment and say “yeah, they are pretty big” before walking away, I would be lying if I said that these words had no impact. I know that something like broad shoulders, or large hands and feet may seem like meaningless and trivial insecurities to you, but every time I look in the mirror I hear others reminding questioning my femininity or saying that I am a girl with masculine features. For a while, this made me feel so insecure that it is all I could see. When prom dress shopping, I remember crying to my mother as none of the traditional prom dresses fit over my broad frame. Although I stood in that dressing room telling myself that it had been years since I thought about my masculine shoulders and that I had moved on from these harmful words, a part of me still thought about what my classmates would think if they saw me right now. How is it possible that all at once I was simultaneously too masculine and too feminine for the world to handle?

When I arrived at college freshman year, this fear and insecurity reached new heights as I was diagnosed with PCOS or polycystic ovarian syndrome. Among other things, one of the most common characteristics associated with this disorder is elevated testosterone and the development of facial hair. Although I had fairly mild symptoms, I began to question if people were right about me being different all those years? In hindsight, after some careful soul searching, I was able to step back and view these comments more objectively. In reality, what does “man hands” even mean? Is that even an insult? I began to question why on earth I let this get to me for so long? Just because I did not meet their standard of feminine beauty did not make me any less than other females who had a more traditional petite and “less boxy” frame. 

With this idea in mind, I started viewing what was once an insecurity as a strength on the tennis court. I was able to use my wingspan to reach way more balls and my frame allowed me to add more power to every return that I made against my opponents. In school, when people would laugh in the lab because I needed large gloves I would move on because these words only highlighted their ignorance. When people told me that I was smart for a girl, or a decent female athlete, I would remind myself that I was accomplishing great things despite all of society’s irrational and belittling qualifications and assumptions. Instead of getting angry or causing a scene, I would ask them if my intelligence or skill needed to be qualified or if instead I could be viewed as their equal because the same amount of hard work, strength, and tenacity allowed us both to get to this same point in our lives. 

Upon recognizing that not all opinions could be changed, I chose to silently rise above, with the understanding that these unnecessary remarks were only being used to mask their own insecurities and ignorance. To this day, I will never forget an experience that I had sitting in the library at Mount Saint Mary College one day before my final chemistry exam of the semester. Recognizing the stress that I was experiencing one kid from class came over to see how I was doing. It is important to recognize that this kid had always made comments about me needing large gloves in the lab or laughed at the fact that I loved superheroes and action movies. Quite frankly, I had never given him or his comments much thought. However, as I sat there reflecting on all of our unpleasant interactions, I was very surprised to see him walking towards me. The first words out of his mouth were “You look overwhelmed, chemistry can be hard sometimes, let me explain it to you.” Instead of feeling offended by this slightly belittling comment, I chose to take advantage of his offer and took out one of my most recent tests to ask a question. Right then and there, he saw the grade circled at the top of my paper, looked me square in the eyes, and said “Oh my gosh Katie, wait...you’re smart? I would have NEVER thought that.” Baffled at the words coming out of his mouth, I chose to inquire what exactly was meant by this comment. Apparently, I asked so many questions in class, that he and his friends assumed that I was completely lost and would never make it through the semester. What’s funny is that, all these years later, this student and all of his friends have left the major or dropped out of Mount Saint Mary College, and here I remain, silently working towards pursuing my dreams.

As a female, you are encouraged to play dumb, act weak, and remain quietly in the tiny box that society has decided you fit into based on your appearance, interests, and body type. To prevent others from being intimidated by a woman’s fortitude, verbs like power and strength are defined as masculine while the ending “like a girl” is designed to portray weakness and belittle others’ actions. In my mind, these constant qualifications and stereotypes are absolutely exhausting. As someone who finds both her successes and insecurities being constantly evaluated, qualified, and highlighted based on her gender, this women’s history month I decided to wear this title as a badge of honor. I am proud to be a woman in stem, a strong female athlete, and someone that has the strength and power to change the world. With this idea in mind, I turned to some of my favorite athletes, scientists, and activists who have all refused to let bias and hardship stop them from making a difference. On this page, you will see quotes from Serena Williams, Martin Luther King Junior, and Harriet Tubman, among others, who inspire me every day to get up, stay strong, and fight for what I believe in. Therefore, in my mind, this manifesto is not only about who I am but rather who I wish to become. It paints the picture of a better tomorrow while showcasing my underlying desire to change the world!  

If you are interested in reading my manifesto or hearing me describe the thought process behind its creation, please click on the image below: